THERAPY MOMENTS

I was at my therapist's office yesterday (yes, even therapists have therapists!:) and I told him it is not comfortable for me to market myself -- for example, how I am forced to market this book. I will do it and even do it somewhat well, but I was raised by two parents who thought it was a terrible thing to brag on yourself, so I struggle with it. I'm glad I was taught that, since I never want to be that person who can't carry on a conversation with without giving a personal "I'm so great" commercial. He pointed out that it's a part of good business practices to advertise what you do, especially when it is done well. I responded with something that sounded like I got it. I no sooner got the affirming words out of my mouth when he (my therapist) said, "You know you are a very gifted writer, don't you?" Without even realizing what he was doing (shocker, since I should know what he is doing), I made some self-degrading comment like, "Oh, well, I try." He just smiled. Okay, point taken. We went on to talk about how writing allows me to control characters and circumstances that are not controllable in real life. Ouch. That is probably more true than I want to admit. But then again, he reminded me that writing that way is better than acting that way. So true. I think everyone needs a therapist. They (we) know how to speak truth in such a complimentary way.

THE POST PUBLISHING DRAG

This is not my first rodeo getting published as a writer. For years (twenty, to be exact), I had a self-syndicated column on single parenting that appeared in over a dozen regional magazines across the country. I wrote a non-fiction book in 1997 about single parenting that was published by a medium-sized press in Minneapolis (Solo Parenting: Raising Strong & Happy Families). I know what it takes to get something down on paper and then edited to the point that it is ready for publication. For my first book-length work, I had a paid editor who thankfully made all the changes for me. For this novel project, however, I thought I was just doing it for my own therapy and didn't really care to get a big-time publisher. I could do it on my own. I think I remember my mother saying I was a stubborn two-year-old (and some things never change). So, "ME DO IT!" is how I felt and now I am seeing the difficulties in that decision. First of all, I will never edit my own work again. I read Already There about five times after it was printed until I couldn't read one more word. Alright already, I'm Already Done! Even so, I have readers now telling me about minor mistakes, grammatical errors, misused words, awkward sentence structure, etc. UGGHH! Okay, okay. I just wanted to do it myself. But now that I am diligently working on my next project, I am more aware of the importance of letting others be in on the fun before I put it out to press. Don't get me wrong. I am very proud of my first attempt at fiction writing, and I will probably come out with a second edition with all those pesky errors fixed because I am a perfectionist at heart. But it's kind of like birthing a child. It's hard, it's not perfect, and it's a little demoralizing. But seeing your child grow and the heart that beats within her is still very satisfying. Pregnant with my second "child," I look forward to doing it a little better and in a less painful way!

MY DAD IS READING MY BOOK?

I learned recently that my dad was reading my book. Now this might not seem like a big deal to most people, but you don't know my dad. He is a mathematical genius, an amazing inventor of contraptions that would make him a millionaire if he cared about that, and he is an awesome carpenter and builder. But he is not an avid reader. When I wrote my first book (a non-fiction work about single parenting), he of course did not read it because I'm sure the subject matter wasn't of much interest, but he did ask me how I had the patience to put all those thoughts together in writing. I have the same questions for him when I see the car he built from scratch and wonder how he knew how to do that. In that way, my dad and I are very much alike. We just have different talents and abilities. His reading, therefore, has consisted of newspapers, magazine articles and maybe a few short stories here and there that have to do with sports figures. But a novel? Not likely. I was elated to find out, then, that he was reading my novel and was actually enjoying it (according to my mom). I'm sure he was pressured by all their friends my mom was bragging to about it, so he felt he should read it so he could say that he had! More importantly, though, I am delighted that my dad wants to know what I do and would take the time to read the result of my patience with words. Thanks, Dad.

JULIA AND CLAIRE

I think I could do a whole novel on the friendship between Julia and Claire. All of us have had friends that simply ask "How are you doing?" and expect a perfunctory answer. But the really good friends are those who care enough about you to tell you to to get over yourself when you are unnecessarily sulking or give you permission to be mad when the rest of the world thinks you should be over it. The friendship between Claire and Julia is based on one of my friendships with my friend, Karen. She and I became friends when I was going through my divorce 20+ years ago. Since I was the melancholy over-thinker that I still am, and she was the less emotional put-on-your-big-girl-pants type, we fit like glove in hand when it came to helping each other through rough spots. I'll never forget talking with her on the phone in the bedroom (before cell phones existed) and I was boo-hooing about something in my life and she stopped me and said, "Where are you?" I said, "I'm on my bed, why?" She replied, "Because you need to watch an episode of Designing Women with me." Seriously? I thought. I have no interest in watching crazy Southern women cackling about nothing when I am having a crisis here! But I listened to her, and got on the phone in the living room and she sat on the phone with me while we both watched Designing Women -- and I actually laughed. That's a true friend. And we have been friends since, although long distance now. I thought of her when Claire drug Julia into her house to watch How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days just to laugh at the foibles of relationships. Thanks, Karen, for your inspiration for that scene. You will always have a place in my heart. :-)